


Disaster Gays

by TeitoxAkashi



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Crack, F/M, Fluff, M/M, Penelope is having the day of her life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-14
Updated: 2018-11-14
Packaged: 2019-08-23 11:01:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16617704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeitoxAkashi/pseuds/TeitoxAkashi
Summary: Simon and Baz were in the library, one doing his homework while the other reading a book. Neither were paying attention to what they were doing, but very well aware of the other's presence despite sitting far away from each other.(Or, Simon and Baz are both disaster gays that thought they were nemesis but are actually in love with each other and both pine so hard.)





	Disaster Gays

Every evening, he would be there, sitting and hiding in the library’s most deserted corner by the shelves of books that none of the students would touch. He would be there, sitting on a chair and leaning against the window with his back, face deep in the book he would be reading. He was beautiful.

Simon had always watched him. He had never approached him, only staring as he sat at the table, far away but just enough to clearly see the teen. (If he did, hell halt no fury that he scorn.) Pale, tall, dark and sinister.

Simon had fallen hard.

He had fallen for the teen called Tyrannus Basilton ‘Baz’ Grimm-Pitch. He didn’t know why, but he was just so attracted to him that it was driving him insane. He had thought that he hated the teen for a great deal of time until Penelope slapped the truth into his brain.

( _“Merlin, how can he just sashay out of there like a beast?! Gorgeous, graceful beast but still!” He vented to Penelope, tearing through his mountain of scones. Penelope watched him, bored to her brain. He rambled on and on about how unfair that Baz could get away with everything just because of his look and that he was the headmistress’s son._

_Penelope twitched, finally had enough and groaned loudly, cutting Simon’s rant. “Crowley, Simon! Are you sure that you aren’t in love with this bloke?”_

_Simon froze and broke_.)

It was honestly insane of him. Why was he so obsessed with him? Sure, he fell for this stupidly handsome teen who hates him – _Gods above_ , he _loathed_ Simon – but he didn’t have to keep staring at him! Simon just didn’t know what was wrong with him. He just couldn’t stop _staring_.

Every time in class, his eyes would find Baz’s back effortlessly. Hell, even in the field, or in the midst of the students that bumbled around during break or changing class, he would find Baz no matter how hard he tried not to. Someone needed to seriously punch him. (Preferably Penelope.) He couldn’t _survive_ like this.

 _It doesn’t bloody help when they were roommates_.

He was so hopelessly gay with the one person who hated him the most.

Whimpering silently at that, he looked back at his homework – math – and tried not to think about the boy who made him silly. Biting his lips, he forced himself to focus on the equations. Hah. As it that was so easy.

…. He should had probably leave the library in the first place.

He wasn’t going anywhere.

\-------------------------------------

Simon had been staring at him for quite a while, Baz know. He had been staring at him since their 6th year and Crowley, Baz wanted nothing but to burn his eyes out because he was so distracting. Whenever Simon was around, he would stare with those bright blue eyes that Baz loved, stare with so much hatred in them.

It was painful, but it was also distracting because whenever he saw those blue orbs, it was like the whole world had stopped moving and there was only the both of them.

Mental. Absolutely mental, Baz was. He had to fucking kill Simon.

He had to, but he couldn’t. How Baz wished that he didn’t had a sexual awakening during their 5th year. He had almost wished that he could time travel back and stab himself for being such a dumbass. Falling in love with your nemesis? Ridiculous! Blasphemy!

But Baz did fall, that is. So. Damn. Hard.

He looked up and saw Simon, sitting by the table alone, squinting at his homework while biting his lips. Merlin, those plum, pink lips. They looked so damn delicious Baz didn’t know if he wanted to punch Simon for it, or kiss him. Maybe punch him first then kiss him. Maybe.

Out of nowhere, Simon looked up and their gaze met. Baz jolted and his heart started to race. It was electrifying each time their gaze met, but bloody hell, it had never been so intensive before. Simon narrowed his eyes at Baz and frowned.

Baz, out of habit, sneered. He snapped his book shut and stood, sauntered over with a cocky smirk. God, someone please punch Baz. Preferably Penelope because hell, that girl sure could pack a punch.

“Like what you’re looking?” He said sardonically, whispering as they were in the library after all. He wasn’t going to get himself kicked out just because of a small, stupid crush.

Okay maybe it was a huge one.

Simon’s nose scrunched up as Baz waited for his hateful reply. At least it would keep him at bay. Except, it didn’t come. The hateful reply, that is. Oh no, it didn’t.

“Maybe.”

Fuck, Baz was going to have a heart attack. He just _knew_ that Simon would kill him someday. Fuck.

\-------------------------------------

Simon started panicking. He didn’t know what came to him but he had not meant to say that. He wanted tell Baz to sod off but that came out! Of nowhere! Okay maybe not out of nowhere because when Baz walked over, he was already panicking. He couldn’t take his eyes off Baz, that would mean submission and losing and he hated losing to Baz.

Fuck, where was Penelope when Simon needed him! Wait scratch that, he was _fortunate_ Penelope wasn’t around. She would tease Simon for _life_ if she heard this.

Immediately, Simon looked around, trying to find an escape route when he heard the soft yet hopeful words from Baz. It was baffling because Baz _never_ sound hopeful, to Simon at least – no. _Especially_ to Simon.

“You meant it?” Simon looked up and met Baz’s gaze again, seeing both disbelief and want in them. Simon swallowed and immediately, Baz’s eyes looked at his throat, like he was some sort of a thirsty vampire. (He might bloody as well be given how pale the teen was.)

“Uh– I got to go!” Simon quickly gathered everything and fucking hightailed out of there before Baz could stop him.

\-------------------------------------

“Penny! Help!” Simon screeched and leaped over to Penelope, who yelped loudly as he almost brought the both of them down to the ground. She was sitting with Micah in the courtyard, chattering silently about god knows what but it was not important as of the moment. “Simon!” She scolded, pushing him back and brushed her shoulder that he had rammed into.

“What the hell, Simon? Are you chased by a chimera again?” Simon shook his head like a dog and whined, explaining the whole incident. It was dramatic with all the hand gestures and stutters and blushes. Penelope didn’t last until the last part and burst out laughing like a banshee. “Oh my god, you’re such a disaster gay, Simon!” She choked out, slapping the wooden bench as she hugged her stomach.

“Penny, stop laughing!” Simon groaned into his hand. Micah, who they both had somehow conveniently forgotten, snickered. “Sorry, Simon, but it is damn hilarious.” Simon glared at them. “Fine,” He pouted. “Go on, laugh at my misery.”

Penelope, finally stopped laughing, wiped a stray tear from her eyes. “Oh god, Simon. That was the best thing _ever_. Bless you.”

“I’m leaving.” She reached over and grabbed his sleeve, tugging him down. “Sorry, sorry. It was a joke.” She snickered, however. It didn’t make Simon feel any better as he pouted, lips jutting out hard and he folded his arms. He harrumphed.

“So, what did you say?”

“’What did I say’? I said I got to go and fucking _ran_!”

Penelope gave him a deadpanned stare. “You _didn’t_.”

“I wished!”

Penelope groaned, all the tease disappeared. “God, Simon, you idiot, just confess to him!”

“No!”

“Why not?! You obviously are so in love with him you practically drool all over him twenty-four seven!”

“Wha- I did not drool all over him, Penny-“ She levelled him with a stare that left him stuttering. “I can’t just do that! He hates me!”

“How sure are you that he hates you? He’s practically heads over heels for you, you dumb bloke.”

“He loathes me! I’m pretty sure he was plotting for my death! He was practically glaring daggers at me whenever he was around!”

“More like heart-eyed you.” Micah chirped in happily but Simon did not pay any attention to it.

“H-he took me as his sworn enemy! How can I just go up to him and say; Hey, I’ve been in love with you since, I don’t even fucking know and I cannot stop staring at your stupidly gorgeous face and stupidly breath-taking eyes!”

Simon breathed out heavily before his breath hitched at the voice that came from his behind him, surprised laced in them. “You do?”

Simon paled, blood drained from his face. “Tell me he is not behind me.” He squeaked at Penelope and Micah, who gave him a pair of devilish smirks. “Oh yes, he’s behind you.”

Simon stiffly turned to see Baz, ruffled and sweating, panting as though he had run a marathon, eyes wide. Simon screeched and ran. “Oh no you fucking don’t!” Baz American football-tackled him. His arms wrapped tightly around him as they dropped onto the ground, with Simon crushed underneath the teen.

“Did you seriously mean it, Snow?”

Simon was sure he was going to set himself on fire, then subsequently Baz, with how hot his cheeks, neck, and ears felt. “Snow,” Baz called again, urgent in his voice, impatient. “ _Simon_ ,” Simon shivered. “Are you really in love with me?”

Whimpering, Simon nodded, giving up. “Merlin, _yes._ I’m in love with you _._ Are you happy now?” He went slack in Baz’s strong arms. He had resigned to fate. That was it. Baz was going to tell his mother to expel him. He would no longer be able to see Penelope and the others, no longer be able to stare at him all he wanted.

“Oh Crowley – _yes_!” He jolted and looked at Baz, eyes wide at how big his grin was, how happy Baz was. “You have no bloody idea how happy I am, Snow.” He leaned down and nuzzled his face against the crook of his neck. “Holy shit, I can’t believe this.” He laughed before looking up, leaning his forehead against Simon’s, arms winding tighter. “I’m in love with you too, Simon.” He said so gently, so sweetly.

So lovingly.

Simon felt tears prickling at the corner of his eyes as he stuttered. “R-really?”

“As real as Bunce laughing her brains off over there.”

Moment ruined.

Simon couldn’t help but elbowed Baz at that, but he himself was laughing and crying at the same time. Baz grunted at the jab but he did not let go of Simon. He smiled, snuggled closer as Simon leaned back. His heart leaped in joy as they stared.

“I love you, you disaster gay.” Baz grinned, teeth and all. Simon rolled his eyes and leaned up, kissing Baz on the lips fervently. “I love you too, disaster gay.”

**Author's Note:**

> Rereading Carry On was probably the best yet worst decision of my life because my mind is filled with SnowBaz I'm dead. 
> 
> Funny, Carry On is the first fandom where I wrote the f word in this - and the other fic I'm. Paranoid, yet exhilarated. 
> 
> I didn't really think through the settings lolol. Baz's mother is still alive because I love her.
> 
> Penelope is having the day of her life lolol XD Disaster Gays *shakes head in exasperation*
> 
> [I apologize for any grammar, spelling, etc. etc. mistakes]


End file.
